The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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