i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just googled if crying burns calories
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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