i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
