Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
