Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
