she woke up with a sticky ear
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
