I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
