Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
