Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
