we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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