I must be too annoying 4 u.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
