if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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