New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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