What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
