your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
