The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The uberlube is also flammable
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
