Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
