No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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