theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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