what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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