You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
