its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
