why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Randomize
