Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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