genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
