after a month anything with tits is on the radar
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Two words: blizzard sex
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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