Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
