Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
