Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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