we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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