That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
