Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
