so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
