Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I currently don't understand fingers.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
