I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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