They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
