So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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