When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
