the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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