You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
