I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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