I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
