My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Sober January is a disaster.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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