So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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