3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
