All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
