I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
