So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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