32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
