there's paper in my vomit.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
