Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
